Survivor: Super Tuesday!

We're one week away from Super Tuesday and I can't help but notice the similarity between this year's presidential campaign and the T.V. show "Survivor." On the T.V. show, contestants are split into two teams with the combatants attacking not only their opponents, but their teammates as well. Gee, does this sound like the Democrat and Republican tribes? Romney vs McCain, Hillary vs Obama, everybody vs Hillary, John Edwards vs Exxon Mobil....etc.

On the T.V. show, "Survivor" contestants form alliances, break promises, back-stab, bend the truth, scream, scold, and occasionally shed tears. Sounds a little like the primaries, huh?

It's amusing to watch Bill Clinton as he keeps trying to insert his...um...persona into the Democratic race. On second thought, scratch the last sentence. The careful writer should never combine the word "insert" with the name Bill Clinton, unless it's absolutely necessary. What I should've said is that Bill Clinton keeps trying to influence (there, that's the word I was looking for) the race by slamming Obama, but getting unintended results. Obviously Bill doesn't watch "Survivor" enough to know that tactic rarely works. Maybe Hillary should TiVo it for him.

Every season, "Survivor" boasts at least one contestant who's like the Energizer bunny-constantly on the go, fighting with great tenacity to win every contest....sound like McCain? Six months ago, he was left for dead by pollsters, the media moguls, and the Republican machine. Now look at him! I think his 95-year-old mother feeds him a Geritol, a glass of Carnation Instant breakfast, and a Viagra pill and kicks him out the door every morning to campaign, calling after him, "Sonny boy, make sure you wear a hat, don't talk to any strangers and be home in time for dinner!"

And I'm sorry, but I have to take one more pot-shot at Hillary. Didn't it appear she thought she had political "immunity" for the past 18 months? Did she think the Democratic nomination was more like her coronation or a debutante ball with cellulite? Just like the T.V. show, you can have immunity one moment and, "Poof!" it's gone! Sorry, Hillary.

As with both contests, it's easy to tell who wants it the most. On "Survivor" contestants usually have to do something really difficult or really disgusting, or both, or risk elimination. Those who perform poorly are often eliminated. Similarly, look at the political candidates who didn't go "all in" with either money or effort, i.e. Tancreado, Thompson, Kucinich, and notice their demise. The winner will be the one most willing to pull hair, perform groin kicks, and gouge eyes. And in that regard, Hillary may have the edge, but don't count out McCain. He's seen enough of the real thing to last several lifetimes.

But the biggest difference between the reality of the presidential race and the made-for- T.V. reality show is how the eventual winner is picked. On "Survivor" contestants decide who wins. What if the presidential race was determined the same way? Who would the winner be? Who would the candidates pick to be Commander-in-Chief? That would be interesting indeed....