By now most of you have heard the earth-shattering news. No, California didn't fall into the ocean- yet. No, I'm talking about the news that Lance Armstrong, King of the Tour de France, is being romantically linked with Ashley Olsen, former star of the TV show "Full House" and current model for the Dixon-Ticondergo #2 pencil.
Apparently, the two love-birds were seen "making out" at a hotel bar in NYC. O.K., Ashley Olsen I can give a pass to since she's barely removed from junior high. But Lance, c'mon, I'm thinking if you're 36 years old and "making out" with girls half your age in public that there maybe some truth to the blood doping allegations. As in, the dope went straight to your brain. C'mon Lance- grow up!
Lance, if you're listening, I can concede that once you won the Tour de France 10 or twenty times and beat cancer, things might be a little dull. Maybe you need a new challenge- a real challenge. A new direction. Yeah, that's it...a little direction.
I got it! You should form your own band! you could be the lead singer and your girlfriends- Ashley, Tory Burch, and Sheryl Crow could be your back-up singers!
Picture this, Lance: Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for "Lance Armstrong and the Kindling!"
Gotta admit, it's gotta nice ring to it, huh?
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