OK, some people think my wife and I are nuts for moving from Montana to Arizona in the middle of the summer. Of course, they're right. Nobody in their right mind would do it. Which is precisely why we did it!
Montana and Arizona are similar with regards to temperature extremes. I never thought you could freeze to death during baseball season, but we nearly did- not once, but twice! Last fall and this spring's baseball seasons in Montana were characterized by brutal cold winds, punctuated with snow. How my son and his teamates survived the frigid game time temps were a testimony of their love of the game.
Fast forward 3 months and here we are in Phoenix with its unrelenting heat. Baseball season will soon be upon us, and I'm guessing we'll be sitting in the bleachers broiling like a hot dog on a spit. Oh well, the past year has been quite an adventure. Definitely not the way I had planned it, but like the old saying goes, "If you want to know whether God has a sense of humor, just tell him what your plans are!"
God, in case you're watching, I'm just kidding.....oh yeah, if you could please tell St. Joseph to get off his LazyBoy and get our house in Montana sold, we'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Take Me Out to the Landfill
The other day I had to haul some junk to the local landfill. As I drove the truck over the twisting, winding roads leading to the dump, I started pondering. Who started the dump and why did they pick that spot to dump stuff. Did ancient Indian tribes use the same spot to dump their unwanted belongings? If so, I bet the dump was a heckuva lot smaller than the one I was about to use.
As I got closer and closer to the dump, I noticed the amount of litter, trash, and junk increasing on either side of the road. Why was the junk there, I wondered? Did people make it that far and decide what the heck, that's close enough, I'll just dump my stuff here? Or did they suddenly realize that they might've left the stove on back home and in their panicked rush to check on it, they just jettisoned their old Frigidaire and electric wire-spool-turned coffee table off the truck right then and there? Who can say?
Then I noticed that every few hundred yards, there were big hay bales sitting on the ground with iron spikes driven through them. Crucifixion, I thought. What a horrible way to die, even for a hay bale. I wondered what the hay had done to deserve such a fate or if they were unjustly punished. Later someone told me the hay was for foraging critters, to help keep them away from the landfill area. I guess that makes more sense than my crucifixion theory.
When I finally got to the dump, I had to stop at the little office near the entrance. The guy inside told me in which area to dump my stuff. I thought it was ironic that the dump is partitioned into separate dump areas. Does it really matter where I dump this stuff, I thought? I also wondered how long the guy in the office had worked there and why the heck anyone would want to work there. I wondered if you have to send a resume in for that job. Maybe he's auditioning for the TV show "Dirty Jobs."
At any rate, while I was unloading the truck, I was able to throw my junk into this huge metal dumpster that was the size of a house. It was kind of fun really, because I could throw the stuff as hard as I wanted without fear or care that I was breaking it. After all, it was junk. It was kind of cool listening to the loud banging crash as the junk clanged into the metal bin. It sounded a bit like The Ramones.
The other thing I noticed is that the dump is strictly man's territory. I didn't see one woman there anywhere. When you think about it, I guess it makes sense. Men, as hunters, need their hands free to throw a spear or drag a carcass across the frozen tundra. Carrying around a broken table or an old washing machine would just slow you down. So naturally, men are going to throw stuff away. Women, on the other hand, are mostly gatherers. That means you'll see them at thrift stores, but not at the dump. They're collecting stuff us men are trying to get rid of.
All in all, it was an interesting afternoon, however, I would've much preferred the couch, a bag of potato chips and a ball game.
As I got closer and closer to the dump, I noticed the amount of litter, trash, and junk increasing on either side of the road. Why was the junk there, I wondered? Did people make it that far and decide what the heck, that's close enough, I'll just dump my stuff here? Or did they suddenly realize that they might've left the stove on back home and in their panicked rush to check on it, they just jettisoned their old Frigidaire and electric wire-spool-turned coffee table off the truck right then and there? Who can say?
Then I noticed that every few hundred yards, there were big hay bales sitting on the ground with iron spikes driven through them. Crucifixion, I thought. What a horrible way to die, even for a hay bale. I wondered what the hay had done to deserve such a fate or if they were unjustly punished. Later someone told me the hay was for foraging critters, to help keep them away from the landfill area. I guess that makes more sense than my crucifixion theory.
When I finally got to the dump, I had to stop at the little office near the entrance. The guy inside told me in which area to dump my stuff. I thought it was ironic that the dump is partitioned into separate dump areas. Does it really matter where I dump this stuff, I thought? I also wondered how long the guy in the office had worked there and why the heck anyone would want to work there. I wondered if you have to send a resume in for that job. Maybe he's auditioning for the TV show "Dirty Jobs."
At any rate, while I was unloading the truck, I was able to throw my junk into this huge metal dumpster that was the size of a house. It was kind of fun really, because I could throw the stuff as hard as I wanted without fear or care that I was breaking it. After all, it was junk. It was kind of cool listening to the loud banging crash as the junk clanged into the metal bin. It sounded a bit like The Ramones.
The other thing I noticed is that the dump is strictly man's territory. I didn't see one woman there anywhere. When you think about it, I guess it makes sense. Men, as hunters, need their hands free to throw a spear or drag a carcass across the frozen tundra. Carrying around a broken table or an old washing machine would just slow you down. So naturally, men are going to throw stuff away. Women, on the other hand, are mostly gatherers. That means you'll see them at thrift stores, but not at the dump. They're collecting stuff us men are trying to get rid of.
All in all, it was an interesting afternoon, however, I would've much preferred the couch, a bag of potato chips and a ball game.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Butt Me No Butts
The other day I was driving down the road and as I slowed to a stop, the car in front of me stopped. The driver then proceeded to roll down his window, took one last hit off his cancer stick, and ejected the still smoldering cigarette butt onto the pavement.
By this time, I was smoldering as well. It's not bad enough that we're bombarded with cigarette filth in front of stores, outside restaurants, and even in the great outdoors, but to see people blatantly disregarding the law and violating our environment at the same time makes me want to puke. No one does thing about it.
And when irresponsible smokers jettison their spent cigs along highways, the end result is too often catastrophic wildfires that cost millions of dollars in property loss, destroyed natural resources and sometimes lives. What a tragedy! All because smokers are too lazy or thoughtless to use the ashtray in their vehicles.
I'm proposing the increase of smoker littering to $5,000. We can use already installed red light cameras to help nab the offenders. Or maybe something a little more unconventional would work. How about this? What if we can pay school kids to use their cell phone cameras to catch littering smokers! Wouldn't it be something to have thousands of little private detectives helping to rid our society of this phenomenon?
Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
By this time, I was smoldering as well. It's not bad enough that we're bombarded with cigarette filth in front of stores, outside restaurants, and even in the great outdoors, but to see people blatantly disregarding the law and violating our environment at the same time makes me want to puke. No one does thing about it.
And when irresponsible smokers jettison their spent cigs along highways, the end result is too often catastrophic wildfires that cost millions of dollars in property loss, destroyed natural resources and sometimes lives. What a tragedy! All because smokers are too lazy or thoughtless to use the ashtray in their vehicles.
I'm proposing the increase of smoker littering to $5,000. We can use already installed red light cameras to help nab the offenders. Or maybe something a little more unconventional would work. How about this? What if we can pay school kids to use their cell phone cameras to catch littering smokers! Wouldn't it be something to have thousands of little private detectives helping to rid our society of this phenomenon?
Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
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